I’ve been AWOL for a few reasons. Not only is life hectic but it is also passing me by in slow and fast motion. I seem to be sitting in one place watching it all whizz by me. There are some points where I can see myself whizzing along like I’m watching myself in a movie and other times I’m just sitting back with glazed eyes wondering what is going on.
So here are some reasons why I’ve been underground-ish…
- I really did need to go and get myself checked at the doc’s because my health has taken a downturn in the past 5 weeks or so. That ‘I Told You So’ tombstone was definitely in the making.
- The ex turns up dead drunk to make my life miserable – YET AGAIN. So I’m always asked ‘Why do you tolerate his nonsense?’ It’s not about tolerance. I don’t even know what it’s about any more. I have let go and am trying to move on but he just can’t do it. He just has to sniff alcohol and it takes over his senses (the few that he might have left, if any) and goes beserk bullying me with abusive text messages and phone calls.
- My Mum needs urgent medical attention as well so that has been of a huge concern to me. Every time I spend time with my Mum, I look at her very closely to see if there are signs that I should worry about in terms of her health. I’m still haunted with the scenes of when she had a stroke when in Scotland and when I got there I went to visit her and she didn’t recognise me. Very normal in stroke patients and despite having read about all this beforehand I was still shaken to the core. My Mum forgot who I was… Anyway, she remembered eventually and things were sort-of back to normal.
- I am missing a very close and dear friend who I have not spoken to for quite some time because of something that will probably seem trivial in a little while but right now is tearing me apart. Whatever it was that happened, I stood my ground and refused to be spoken to in a certain manner because I have had to put up with such nonsense most of my life and making exceptions with my friend meant that it was very OK for me to be spoken to like that. Well, it was not OK by me. It was painful and it regressed me into a time in life I’m trying hard to forget so I told my friend to get on with life. It hurts but I know I didn’t deserve to be spoken to in an abusive manner.
OK. That’s it. I’m done for now. I’m going back into slow-motion mode to watch my life race by while I ponder over stuff.