I’ve been sitting in the rain and doing some heavy-duty thinking. This season, as you will note in past posts, always brings this out in me. Is it the melancholic side? I have no idea but I’ve been thinking, over-thinking and then thinking some more. This post is the result of that thinking process.
Sometimes you wonder if it’s ok to have an ambition, a goal, a vision or anything you want to attain because it requires a lot of focus and hard work. You sit down to think if it is worth it – all the pain, hurdles and heartache that you will encounter along the way – and sometimes it’s worth it.
Maybe you don’t realise but sometimes you are your own worst enemy and you end up doing more harm to yourself than others do. You are just trying to protect yourself from any more pain and stress than necessary but in the process you end up losing a chance you might have had at happiness by attaining something you so long.
There’s no lesson in this, no happy ending, no sage advice or any wise words. These are just ramblings and thoughts I’ve had while sitting outside on the balcony, listening to the rain and cleansing the eyes while I was at it. I’ve often said there is something therapeutic about cleansing the windows of your soul when it rains.
I’m not sure if i should be telling you to chase your dreams. I’ve stopped chasing mine. I’ve flitted all my life like a butterfly from one place to another and it’s now time to let go of that and allow myself to just sit back and let things happen, if they should.
I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to succeed at everything and failure has also had a good laugh at me many times. I have never been the type to give up. I always feel I can push just a little more and usually I’m triumphant.
Today…. I gave up.