As I turned fifty last year, I thought I’d write out the fifty things that I feel are important to know. Of course, we all know these things, many of us apply them to daily life, but sometimes we forget to count our blessings and the love we have in our lives. 

This is a gentle reminder, more to myself than anything.

1. It’s a privilege to be able to have made it this far. Each day, I remind myself of all that I have done – whether big or small – and I stop to give gratitude to myself. Just the way we have a habit of saying thank you to others who do something for us, it is important to give thanks to yourself first and foremost.
2. There will be days when you think you can’t go on, there is no hope, no one is listening. It gets lonely sometimes on this journey called Life, but it is possible to get through. If you can learn to be content within yourself, you will not have the need to seek others to be around you all the time. External noise is just that. Look for that peace within. 
3. While many think grades are not a measure of your intelligence, I feel it is important to get some qualifications. I have promised myself that I will go back to learning as soon as it’s possible, and finish off what I couldn’t.
4. It’s okay to tell people how you feel. Keeping your feelings in you, especially the negative ones, will have a huge impact on your mental health, body and well-being. I come from a society that thinks it’s very rude for young ones to speak up in front of adults. That’s the conditioning we receive from a very young age and it becomes our inner voice. You end up not saying anything because of that conditioning, be it at the work place, in school, at home, with colleagues, anywhere. Speak your truth even if your voice wavers. You don’t have to be rude, you don’t need to yell, you don’t need to shout. 
5. Have a hobby that is not related to work or earning money. Do something for yourself. Find some time to unwind and let go. It could be just five minutes a day or an hour, or even more. Do this just for you.
6. Cut down on screen time. The idiot box is just that. I’m not saying stop completely. Just limit how much time you spend in front of the television screen. Binge-watching series and shows is something many of us tend to do. If it’s a daily habit, then it really must stop. You’re doing yourself no favours. 
7. Ditto screen time on handheld devices. Limiting time on social media helps you focus on so much else happening outside in ‘real life’. Mental health takes quite a toll on you if you’re constantly online, scrolling mindlessly, absorbing the embellished lives of others, brands screaming at you to latch onto their products and so much else. Your self-worth cannot be determined by comparing your life with someone else, with what you have or don’t have.
8. Have friends of all ages. It’s not weird to be friends with someone younger or older than you. Kids have the most brilliant perspective to life. Hanging around my children, nieces and nephews is always fantastic because I learn something from them. This generation of kids is switched on, they’re smart, and they have ambition. Older people will give you wisdom from their experiences. You don’t have to do exactly what they did but it’s always great to learn something from everyone. You, too, have a lot to offer so why not stop to absorb what others are saying and doing to enhance your life? No harm in that. You can be selective about what you want to do. 
9. Don’t be rude. Everyone is struggling each day with things you have no idea about. Just because your problems are huge it doesn’t mean others aren’t suffering or struggling. In their bubble, their problem is huge for them Don’t invalidate that. Be kind, and if you can’t be kind, be quiet. Being troubled isn’t an excuse for being rude.
10. It takes nothing away from you to apologise. You’ll know exactly when to say sorry, and exactly when not to accept being mistreated. Chances are high that you’ll have gone into overthinking mode and made a scenario bigger than it is in your head and then there’s no return. Think rationally. Say sorry without giving an excuse. It’s up to the recipient to accept. Or not. 
11. Accept apologies with grace. Mistakes happen. We aren’t above it all. If you choose not to accept an apology, clearly say why you are not doing so. Maybe they hurt you and you feel you cannot accept. Sometimes changed behaviour is what we are looking for and not empty words. You’ll be the best gauge for this.
12. Sometimes we have to accept the apology we never got, not to forgive them for what they did or said, but for you to move on peacefully without having to dwell over and over again. 
13. Compliment the people you know and love. They will be happy to know you’ve noticed something – be it their appearance or effort. It may make them feel you don’t take them for granted. Compliment random strangers. I love doing this, and I do it if I genuinely mean it. I keep it impersonal and so far, it’s always been well-received. I’m pleased to say no one has reported me for being creepy and neither have I gotten a black eye or court orders. It makes me feel good to admire others and let them know, too.
14. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking the time out for self-care. If you want to be loved by everyone, you have to start by loving yourself first. Self-care is not just about the appearance. You have to look after you, nurture yourself, care for yourself, love yourself. There is no one in this world who will love you more than you. 
15. It’s okay if you don’t understand something. Ask. Ask again. If someone mocks you for this, these are their limitations and not yours. You strive to better yourself. There is no shame in not knowing.
16. There is no reason why you shouldn’t take a nap to recharge your batteries. A nap is not just for little children. 
17. It’s hard sometimes, but be patient. Frustrations and delays will always be there. How you deal with them will help you more than you think.
18. Life will knock you down sometimes. It can range from a gentle shove to pushing you between the proverbial rock and the hard place. Choosing to lie there when tripped up is as much a choice as getting up, dusting yourself and forging on. Start again. There are no rules that you can’t. 
19. Your employer can take an hour to replace you. Remember that. Balance your work life and your personal life. Working around the clock will not help you in the long run. Take a day off every week. Take short breaks. Recharge yourself. Spend quality time with your family and friends, and it’s also okay to switch off that work phone once you leave the office, unless you’re on call. Understand that you have only one chance at life. Toxic workplaces affect you far worse than you’ll ever fathom. Prioritise YOU.
20. Boundaries are important. Set them without fear. If you’re in a constant state of arguments and chaos, you have to ask yourself why you’re allowing it when, in fact, you cannot stand it. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean getting aggressive at all. You can secure your mental health by letting people know that you will not be open to any kind of stress that affects you. If something needs to be discussed, set a time-limit and make it clear that you will not be shouted at or argued with as you say your piece. Healthy boundaries encourage a better way of life. 
21. You can spend a lot of your time planning out life, events, and so much else, but it is not guaranteed that everything will run the way you will want it to. Things will happen, things won’t happen, circumstances will change, and instead of getting frustrated and stressed, train yourself to be fluid in situations where you are able to take form instead of be eroded because your plan didn’t get executed the way you wanted it to.
22. Everyone changes. You will, too. The only constant in life is change. Friends will change as will family members. Learn to accept and not expect. That way you will avoid disappointment. Aggression towards people who have changed will only alienate them further. Think of it this way – maybe it’s you who has changed and they find the need to adjust to you accordingly. 
23. Many of us feel that there is one ‘F’ word that makes or breaks us. Family. Just because you share DNA, it doesn’t mean that your thoughts, your beliefs, and everything is aligned. If we can hold different beliefs and have visions that are not the same as others, they should also be allowed to have the same. You’ll get along with some in the family, and some will irritate your demons. Let them be. Like you, they’re also battling something within.
24. It’s not always about you. Feeling slighted or upset or hurt only makes it worse for you. Allow others to say something without you having to make it about yourself. Know when it’s okay to air your point, and make sure you’re present in the moment to absorb what is being said to you. Conversations are so much more mindful these days and I love to see it. 
25. While money is not everything, I’ve learned that it’s important to at least have some before making such a declaration. Of course, there are many things in life that have no monetary value and you’ll never have an opportunity to purchase them, but know there’s a fine line between having too much and having nothing. I’m not detached from the realities in this world. My privileged existence has clouded my judgement many times, but it’s better to stay grounded and use this tool wisely while remembering it’s not a panacea to your problems.
26. Give, not because you want to make a statement, but because you want to make it better for someone else. Helping others out, no matter how troubled I have been, has always grounded me and allowed to focus on the good there is in this world. I’ve also observed that many people tend to pay it forward and that creates such a wonderful ripple effect. 
27. Not always getting what you want can actually be a good thing at times. At that point in time you strongly feel you need someone or something in your life, but it’s just not happening. You gave it a go. It didn’t work. Move on. Moping over that one thing will take your focus away from so many other awesome things happening around you. It is said that an opportunity is never lost. It just knocks on someone else’s door. Maybe this wasn’t for you.
28. Give gratitude. As simple as this sounds, it’s sometimes hard to stop to say thanks for all the abundance we have in life. Count your blessings and not someone else’s, and you’ll find life is so much more beautiful. 
29. Read more. Educate yourself, broaden your horizons, allow change in your thinking process. Reading is excellent because it improves your focus, memory, empathy and communication skills. Reading allows you to learn and that should be motivation enough. I feel that the day we stop learning should be the last day of our lives.
30. Set realistic goals for yourself. I have spent a big part of the past five decades giving myself unrealistic timelines to attain goals then thoroughly bashing myself up for not attaining them. It’s been a horrid cycle but I’m gently easing myself out of it. Setting more realistic goals and timelines has definitely allowed me to stay mostly focused. I’m honest when I say ‘mostly’ because I have had to start again, but it’s happening lesser now and the feeling of achievement is exhilarating.
31. Make a bucket list, while we are still talking about goals. No dream is too big nor is it unattainable. Did I ever think that I would become a radio jockey when I would pretend to be one as a teenager? Did I ever think I’d have my own pages in the national newspapers when I would pretend to make my own version of ‘The Daily News’? It all happened. Travel now features highly on my bucket list and I would really like to visit some places before I kick it. The bucket, that is.
32. Pamper yourself, look after yourself. Get your nails done. Get your hair set. Wear that outfit in your closet that you are saving for a special occasion. Your entire life is a special occasion. You deserve to dress up for it whenever you can. Celebrate yourself at every moment instead of expecting someone to do it for you. Of course, people around you will love to celebrate you, but accept it without expectations.
33. A lot of people whom I know don’t spend time alone. They’re constantly itching to be out and about, to be surrounded by people at all times, and any quiet moment they may have is spent scrolling on the phone. Quieten down the external noise. Take yourself on a solo date. Watch a movie, go bowling, crazy golf, perhaps. Learn to spend time in your own company.
34. The enemy of your friend is not your enemy, and if that friend thinks you are being disloyal to them, you might want to rethink this friendship. If I have chosen to step away from a mutual friend, there’s no way I’m going to expect my friends to do the same. I’m honouring my own boundaries, and if I start to feel slighted that my friends are hanging out with the person I chose to cut off from, that is not my business. Going on to cut off from everyone else speaks more about me than anything else. Accept that the friendship didn’t work out with you and move on. Broken friendships do hurt a lot but if you have reached a point where you feel it cannot be fixed, exit with dignity. 
35. Smile! Not for others, but yourself. It instantly lifts the mood and you feel good about yourself.
36. Do you journal? If not, try your hand at it. You don’t need to have daily discipline if you can’t hack it, but do try and put your thoughts in writing. I have found that this really helps in restructuring the thought process – that maybe something wasn’t as awful as you thought it was when you actually read about it. Journaling is not just for negativity. What stops your from recording your happy moments, achievements no matter how small or big? Do it. You’ll enjoy it.
37. This may sound weird but do you drink enough water? It improves brain function, digestive function, your skin will glow, it keeps your organs functioning, and so much more. I’ve always said one must learn to hydrate, moisturise, and mind one’s business.
38. Focus on your health. If it doesn’t seem right, get it checked right away. I’m not a great fan of self-medicating and prefer to get proper advice. You might get short-term relief but what if you end up making it worse by not getting the correct treatment? Besides that, don’t wait to reach a certain stage in life to have healthy habits. For someone who has never cared for the way I looked like or felt, it’s having its repercussions now. Look after yourself. There’s only one of you. 
39. Comparison is the thief of joy. You did your best. Being ‘perfect’ is a myth sold to us on social media. No one’s life is as perfect as they make it seem on social media – not even mine. There’s so much that you can do, are doing, that many look at you and feel they could be you. Own that attitude and know that no one can replace you, and neither can you take anyone’s place. Be comfortable in your own skin.
40. Forgive yourself. We all go through life sometimes hurting, and sometimes getting hurt. If it upsets you that much, own up to your mistake and seek forgiveness. If that bridge has been burned, allow yourself to get through it and move on. You can’t keep bashing yourself up for something you are not in control of. 
41. I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad thing, but I always see good in people. It does hurt when someone comes to attack you when you’re minding your own business, but I try and put myself in the other person’s shoes and see where they’re coming from. Exercising empathy can be a good thing, but don’t become a doormat in the process.
42. Do more of what makes you happy. Other people around you may not agree with your path of happiness but that’s not your problem. Yes, you can compromise if you feel there’s room for that, but don’t stop living your happiest life just because someone has a problem with it. 
43. Seek therapy. There are so many advantages of this, and I can’t believe that I didn’t go for this sooner. A lot of societies tie stigma with therapy. Mental health to many people simply translates to a major mental disorder. This is not true at all. The amount of relief I have garnered from therapy has been fantastic. I’m better at compartmentalising, I honour many of my boundaries and the confidence I’ve gotten has been immense.
44. Every once in a while, ask yourself a question. ‘When was the last time I did something for the first time?” and that should allow you to start thinking of new things to do. Not only does this keep you stimulated, you’re not stagnating by trying something new. 
45. Learn a skill. It could be anything – from cooking to creating, to learning iPhone photography to mastering a language. The internet has so much for you to learn. Pick something you feel you’ve always wanted to do and look up tutorials and videos. What a fun way to while your time.
46. We have been taught this from a very young age, and maybe some of us may get sloppy at some point in life, but always make your bed first thing in the morning, or whenever you wake up. Not only does it set the pace of the day with a sense of accomplishment, it’s good to come back to a clean bed after a long stressful day. 
47. Be around good friends. They increase your sense of belonging and purpose. My friends have been pillars of strength for me. Not only are they always in my corner, I know that they love my kids just as much as they love me. We don’t meet up every other day or week, but when we do, we just pick up from wherever we left off from. Friendships are meant to be low maintence. They’re meant to make you feel good when you’re around each other.
48. Let it go. You can’t control it. Letting go reaffirms a way of bringing focus back into our lives. Don’t let your past keep trapped or tied up to those shackles. You have so much going for yourself, focus on you. 
49. You may think it’s not your problem, but it is. Environmental issues are talked about but a lot of us brush the issues under the carpet. Start by making small changes in your life – use reusable water bottles, reduce plastic usage, put your rubbish in bins, be mindful of how you consume. There is so much you can do to make a difference in this world. Start now.
50. Be true to yourself. It helps you make better decisions, you’re living a stress-free life, you become more productive and it does wonders for your confidence. I don’t boast of having ticked all boxes in life, but I am self-aware and constantly seek to better myself instead of trying to force others to change. As long as you are true to yourself, that’s all that matters in the bigger picture. 
51. Since I’ve been sitting on these for one whole year, I might as well add one more point as I usher in my 51^st year. Celebrate yourself. Don’t worry about what others think about you. Your only focus should be on what you think of yourself. Appreciate the ordinary, find joy in simple things, and again, do more of what makes you happy.