I’m the type of person who buys things not because I need them. It’s because someone else is telling me that I need them and I totally believe them. Take the teleshopping networks for a start. My friend Sam was forced to watch daytime TV while recuperating and the only thing that caught his eye was teleshopping. Besides observing a lot of things that daytime TV taught him he also got fascinated with what they sold on TV.

Sam’s learning experience with daytime Tv was as follows:

• Huggies holds 5kgs of pee. Dunno which kid pees so much..
• Dettol soap ensures your whole families safety, but you have to shower in the open…
• Big Babol makes bubbles so large you can float with them (a serious threat to the airline industry)…
• Complan makes kids grow twice as fast. Why didn’t our parents give us Complan…
• Garnier anti prespirant ensures dry armpits even after climbing a mountain...

The last one sounded dodgy to me. I thought Garnier made shampoo!!

Anyway, having said that I’m also loathe to admit that I love the teleshopping networks. When I was in the UK I used to channel surf  just to see what I could buy. Diamond rings were at throwaway prices, slimming belts assured me inches off in a matter of few weeks but the one thing that caught my eye was the most amazing fruit and vegetable slicer/ shredder.

I just HAD TO have it!! And so I did. This was almost 5 years ago. I bought it with the intent of shredding cabbages and carrots for coleslaw, creating artistic thingybobs out of tomatoes and potatoes and being the talk of town when I hosted friends and showed off my vegetable and fruit carving skills. Being a sucker for attention, I envisioned myself even giving demonstrations at kitty parties, tupperware parties, and other get-togethers.

You guessed right if you’re thinking I  never used it at all. In fact it is just lying in its box for the past five years. I toyed with the idea once of giving to a friend as a wedding present but decided not to.

I didn’t want her becoming a Domestic Goddess or ‘Hostess with Mostest’ when that could be ME. In the end, no one ended up using this fabulous shredder. It’s still lying all packed up in its box waiting for someone to dust off the silverfish from the box packaging and start using it.

Teleshopping is addictive. Those talkative people who present these shows make you feel like you are loved and you DESERVE to own the million mega watt vaccum-cleaner-cum-life-enhancing-gadget that cleans your curtains and probably dishes too.

They seem to sell everything there and I won’t be surprised if they start flogging body parts too in the near future, that is if it’s not already being done!

I’m the type of person who advertising campaigns are aimed at. I’m the person who actually makes them successful because if something is packaged beautifully and is being sold to me while I’m being told that if I don’t have it my life is not worth living then you know for sure I’ll invest in it. The advertiser doesn’t necessarily have to use all those words. I fall for interesting, eye-catching adverts that really do what they are supposed to be doing.

Right. Now let me get on with watching TV because I’ve just discovered on the Indian channels that come on DSTV they have teleshopping there as well AND THEY DELIVER IN KENYA!!!! Wooohooo!!