THERE’S A FRIKKING FROG IN MY FRIKKING HOUSE!!

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So you know how it is, you’re busy minding your own business, gasping that fuel is now Kshs 95.60 instead of 94, parking fees is 250/-, the stima bill is higher than last month’s, the water bill seems like you’re running the water entertainment area at Village Market and in your own way, you can deal with this. You are designed to be able to take this nonsense every once in a while, unless of course you’re the donkey with the proverbial load on your back and it will just take a straw to break it completely.

My woes are a bit different. Like I said, I mind my own business and there I was sitting in my study catching up on my Twitter and Facebook responsibilities when suddenly I hear a loud sound. I thought maybe the kids had the TV on too loud so I creased my forehead, cocked my ear to hear out for the sound again and went back to my laptop satisfied that it must have been the TV. Then I heard the sound again and this time it sounded like a frog!

The kids heard it too because they came down the stairs like a herd of wildebeest. Just a quick digression here – I have been blessed with two children but at best of times when gauging noise pollution you’d think there are about 39 children in my home. Anyway, they came running down, screaming gleefully that they heard a frog and that they must catch it and make it a pet. That’s another thing they like to do – catch anything and everything that moves and make it a pet. From garden creepy crawlies to that mongoose-like squirrel that darts across our garden they keep ‘setting a trap’ for, my kids are obsessed with adopting them all. Promptly the frog in question was named and we hadn’t even started looking for it yet. They got out the colander and the big sieve I use to drain pasta in from the kitchen and set about looking for the frog, who seemed to have sensed the danger lurking in my kids and promptly shut up.

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Being the social network addict that I am, I shared my woes on Facebook and Twitter by simply stating THERE IS A FRIKKING FROG IN MY FRIKKING HOUSE!!! There are too many haters that I know. Many laughed at me, most suggested I catch it and eat it, one even sent a recipe but it was in French and my French sucks except at a couple of bad words so I gave that a miss. Then came the ultimate suggestion – Find it and kiss it! It’s your Prince, Kamal Kaur! He is FINALLY here. That was my cue to heave and almost regurgitate the contents of my tummy in form of the dinner I’d just had.

Eventually I realised that the frog must have found its way inside the house by hitching a ride on the houseplants that I had put outside for the day to get some sunshine and the impromptu rain shower early this week. So to solve the problem immediately I had all the plants taken out again at night because I just couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out which plant it was hiding in.

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Problem solved, kids tucked in bed and Kamal Kaur is still Prince-less despite a huge opportunity dressed as a frog croaked at my door…

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