I’ve been following the Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi story quite keenly since it unfolded when pictures of him grabbing hold of her neck and squeezing hard in a posh, high-end restaurant were splattered across news sites. Looking at those pictures even without reading the story, I read the anguish and humiliation, blurred by tears, in Nigella’s eyes. I’m not an expert on body language at all but I could tell because I’ve been through all this and worse. Before you think I’m going off tangent with my weekly rant of tribulations I’m letting you know that this is not about talking on behalf of the downtrodden women of this world. It’s actually the men.

We hear of women talking about their woes, baring their bodies to show marks of violence and whatnot, but how many men do you know of who will walk out of an abusive or violent relationship for umpteen reasons? They could be embarrassed, scared, threatened, mentally unstable, fear of society and so many other things. We live in a society that wants to keep believing that men are the stronger sex and end up turning a blind eye or stay in denial that men too can go through emotional and physical trauma at the hands of a women.

Take this as an example. A man has been married for many years and has kids with his wife. The whole world thinks that they have a perfect relationship because that is what she portrays to the world. Everyone says the man is henpecked but he knows better than to speak up because he knows as soon as his wife flies into a fit of rage, there’s going to be no end to the screaming, shouting, mental abuse and torture.

You’re probably thinking he needs to slap her and sort her out but not all men have those kinds of abilities. Gentlemen are taught not to raise hands at anyone; it is what I instill in my son.

To judge such a man is very easy, to call him henpecked or to confuse his painful silence for arrogance is also very easy. Men like this almost always end up having affairs because they look for love they are unable to find at home. Either that or they sit there, boiling in their resentment and one fine day, they will flip and do something totally out of character and perhaps even resort to killing. I read news articles from all over the world and it’s so worrying that you read about men also going through violence and anguish yet not many countries offer support groups to such abused men.

If at all such a thing will come to light in our country, I’m sorry to say this but Kenyans on social media will have had a field day at the expense of this man’s misfortune. Society seems to be more sympathetic towards women if they undergo domestic violence but the same sympathy is not afforded to men and that is most probably the reason why men don’t speak up.

Ladies, get help if you’re the abusive type. Whether physically or mentally, the fact is that you are destroying another human being’s self-esteem. Chances are you are the one in deep need of psychiatric help and hormonal patches. Control yourself and stop lashing out on your man and thank your lucky stars he hasn’t snapped and done something stupid to you. Recognise the need for counseling and don’t feel ashamed to seek help. Otherwise, end your abusive relationship and move on. Go find someone who will understand you and love you so that you don’t have the need to keep torturing your man or the kids you may have with him.

Also, I’m very happy to know Nigella has filed for divorce. Well done. Even if this was the first time ever Saatchi may have lifted his hand to hurt her, even though I don’t believe it, it was one time too many. Good riddance to such people from life.