Because I’m Single…

The end of a marriage....

I am not single because I wanted to be single. I am single because I was forced into it. The relationship I was in didn’t work out because neither of us could see eye to eye and no one can accuse me for not giving my all to this relationship to work. I tried my best but I guess it wasn’t good enough.

Having said that, I have tried very hard to move on and am not doing a totally bad job of it either though in the beginning, just after the separation I did worry about what would happen and what would I do. Having two small kids also was a big factor I worried about. How was I going to bring them up on my own? How was I going to manage? Well, three years on I’m proud to say that I have managed fantastically and my children are doing just great. I was not ashamed to seek counselling to get help to move on and I’m so glad I did because it helped me deal with what I was going through.

Then, with being suddenly single, came a plethora of woes. Suddenly most married lecherous bastards decided it was ok to give me a call and invite me out for a coffee. I soon sorted that out by inviting their wives along. I know of at least two had huge domestic fights in their homes over this and I’m not one bit upset about it. The bloody bastards deserved it.

Other woes include things like people thinking that without a man in my life I am incapable of looking after myself. Also being a muhindi makes it worse. In an Asian society many expect their women to be subservient. Just bow down the head and say ‘Yes Sir’ to everything that is thrown their way. Unfortunately I’m not one of those anymore. I actually was the type who wouldn’t say anything and totally accept anything I was told. Not anymore. In short, I don’t take shit from anyone anymore. It doesn’t matter who it is. There is no way I will allow anyone to demean me or walk all over me or tell me something that I deem as highly unnecessary and painful. I have learnt that people only do that when you allow them to do that to you so don’t take any crap that comes your way.

Being single is not a bad thing if you are a woman. In fact I have learnt to be more independent and have stopped thinking someone is going to come and do things for me. I realised that as soon as I changed my thought process my life started changing too. I have better control of the direction I would like my life to go. Having said that, life is not all a bed of roses. Yes it does get lonely sometimes and I do wish I had a companion. My kids are the centre of my universe but sometimes I do crave grown up company. I guess it is human nature not to want to be alone. Being a ‘people person’ I do feel alienated sometimes when I’m sitting on my own but I console myself that rather than being with someone who will just screw up my life I’d rather just be on my own. Humans make mistakes but I wouldn’t want to go through the mistake of heartbreak again. I don’t think i could handle it. You spend most of your life loving someone and trying to make things work out only to have them betray your trust with the same old lies and nasty habits and take you back to Square One.

I have come a long way and it’s been a bumpy ride at best of times. But I also know that I have done well and with my loved ones and family supporting me so strongly I have been able to reach to this point….

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10 thoughts on “Because I’m Single…”

  1. have been through exactly what you have went through. had my share of lecherous married men. my two boys were 10 and 12 then – and must say am a proud mother of one who just graduated and one who finished first year in uni. And now I wouldn’t change my life for anyone or anything. I just want to thank my ex for leaving when he did.

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  2. I think its amazing that you’ve been through all that and you’re still so enthusiastic about life.one me my aunty’s who also happens to be one of my best friend recently went through a separation and with every passing day she becomes stronger and happier and i’ve learnt better to have loved and lost than to stay married to psycho for the rest of your life.

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  3. Kamal, you are an inspiration to a lot of ladies out there and they should learn that you don’t need a man to be successful and happy. A lot of the times being in a bad relationship only holds you back. Good on you babe x

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  4. It takes immense courage in every way to be a single mum and manage life so perfectly. I wish women in abusive relationships would read this article and get some sort of inspiration/sense – whatever you call it.

    Wishing you lots of happiness – you deserve it!

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  5. hey Kamal…. a very thought proving article! I wish women have the guts to openly express what you have have mentioned. Many live in cloud nine not realizing how fake their marriage is!I as a woman congratulate you for achieving all that you have today and may all your dreams come true!

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  6. Hey Kamal

    Great article. Know what exactly what you have been through, its been 5 yrs since i came back on the single carriageway too. I do however find myself in the midst of social choas though and i wonder if you get it – perhaps not as much cause cause you have two lovely kids.

    Am constantly battling with the following :

    Find someone and get married soon – for the body clock is ticking and you need a companion. LOL

    Those that are married say : I wish i was single, cause you are ‘free’ to do what you want.

    Married…. its almost: damned if you are… and damned if your not

    Carry on with the good work gal

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  7. excellent article kamal! it wil be an inspiration to many women especially those who feel that they are so stuck and they do not have the courage to move on. our society tends to think that when u say something, it is wrong or you are being disrespectful (even if it is voicing an opinion)… which is very sad.. this skul of thot needs to change because in our world today, a man is equal to a woman, and i feel she does much mre than wut a man wud or cud even do..
    relationships are very fragile.. it tks two to work, but smetimes, lik u say wuteva one does its jus not enuf.. its up to us to decided which way we want to go and how we wana live foreva!
    kudos to u for giving others the courage TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES!!! it is very very important!

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