I am not single because I wanted to be single. I am single because I was forced into it. The relationship I was in didn’t work out because neither of us could see eye to eye and no one can accuse me for not giving my all to this relationship to work. I tried my best but I guess it wasn’t good enough.
Having said that, I have tried very hard to move on and am not doing a totally bad job of it either though in the beginning, just after the separation I did worry about what would happen and what would I do. Having two small kids also was a big factor I worried about. How was I going to bring them up on my own? How was I going to manage? Well, three years on I’m proud to say that I have managed fantastically and my children are doing just great. I was not ashamed to seek counselling to get help to move on and I’m so glad I did because it helped me deal with what I was going through.
Then, with being suddenly single, came a plethora of woes. Suddenly most married lecherous bastards decided it was ok to give me a call and invite me out for a coffee. I soon sorted that out by inviting their wives along. I know of at least two had huge domestic fights in their homes over this and I’m not one bit upset about it. The bloody bastards deserved it.
Other woes include things like people thinking that without a man in my life I am incapable of looking after myself. Also being a muhindi makes it worse. In an Asian society many expect their women to be subservient. Just bow down the head and say ‘Yes Sir’ to everything that is thrown their way. Unfortunately I’m not one of those anymore. I actually was the type who wouldn’t say anything and totally accept anything I was told. Not anymore. In short, I don’t take shit from anyone anymore. It doesn’t matter who it is. There is no way I will allow anyone to demean me or walk all over me or tell me something that I deem as highly unnecessary and painful. I have learnt that people only do that when you allow them to do that to you so don’t take any crap that comes your way.
Being single is not a bad thing if you are a woman. In fact I have learnt to be more independent and have stopped thinking someone is going to come and do things for me. I realised that as soon as I changed my thought process my life started changing too. I have better control of the direction I would like my life to go. Having said that, life is not all a bed of roses. Yes it does get lonely sometimes and I do wish I had a companion. My kids are the centre of my universe but sometimes I do crave grown up company. I guess it is human nature not to want to be alone. Being a ‘people person’ I do feel alienated sometimes when I’m sitting on my own but I console myself that rather than being with someone who will just screw up my life I’d rather just be on my own. Humans make mistakes but I wouldn’t want to go through the mistake of heartbreak again. I don’t think i could handle it. You spend most of your life loving someone and trying to make things work out only to have them betray your trust with the same old lies and nasty habits and take you back to Square One.
I have come a long way and it’s been a bumpy ride at best of times. But I also know that I have done well and with my loved ones and family supporting me so strongly I have been able to reach to this point….