If you’re born in an Asian family, chances are your fate is already being decided by your family even as you’re in the process of being pulled out of your mother’s womb. Sounds graphic, I know, but that’s what happens all the time. Straight away your parents start living their dreams through you, they turn into their parents and want you to become something they probably couldn’t and hope you reach heights they couldn’t. If you’re 6 and resentful of being sent to ballet class you have every right to spit your venom especially if you’re a boy and don’t really care that grown men dance the ballet too. At 6 it’s highly traumatic to be the only boy in Ms. Petite Mademoiselle de Ballerina’s class while the rest of Year 2 boys are doing the manly thing with a National Level Tae Kwon Do teacher.
If you’re a girl, your paternal grandma has probably already decided you will get engaged by 22 as opposed to 17 because cucu (granny)has ‘modern views’ to life. The amniotic fluid is still being wiped off you by a nurse and your fate has already been decided that you will become a lawyer or a doctor. Of course along the years the thought process does change but it’s always same shit, different pile. You cannot change the mindset of Indians very easily because there is centuries’ worth of ingraining to deal with. Being in a modern society may help alter the views but deep down, if at 25 their daughter isn’t married off or engaged to a well-to-do man, they start worrying and interfering in their kids’ lives.
So when I was supposed to get married, I wasn’t asked. I was told. It ended up a disaster and I almost ended up bitter and angry. Luckily I have a great sense of humour and the ability to smile through it all. Funny thing is that right now even though I’m so independent I sometimes stagger if I don’t have direction. I am so used to being told at every step of the way how to do everything, not because I don’t know how to do it but because I have to do it in a certain way to please someone, I had completely forgotten what it was like to enjoy being there for myself.
I make mistakes but I revel in them because they are MY mistakes. I learn from them and not get bitter or angry or upset because they were my decisions and I try not to have any regrets in life about that. Sometimes it’s hard but I’m slowly getting used to the idea that no one is going to live my life for me. It’s up to me how it should shape up and in all this if someone doesn’t like the way I lead my life you can jolly well go jump in a cold lake. I also know that I will be the first to help you out of this cold lake because that’s the kind of person I am but I just don’t want to be taken granted for.
I want to be accepted as I am because when I’m me, I’m frikking FABULOUS.