I’m Single And I’m a Threat

That’s not a proclamation from me. It’s how many people perceive me in my single state. I’m not single out of choice. I always dreamed of my Prince Charming, two kids, white picket fence and a dog. The dog died and the Prince turned out to be an alcoholic who wanted different things from life.  Circumstances led us to part ways and I now have custody of the wonderful kids and the white picket fence that needs a coat of paint.

As a woman in a relationship, I used to get invited all the time, even to events where my partner wasn’t expected to be even though the invitation did read ‘Mr. & Mrs.’. After we parted ways, I’d like to say the invitations started trickling but that would be a lie. They just stopped. End of story. No one wants to invite a woman to a party or get together because it’s awkward to have a recently separated woman amongst couples. You see, she might just be desperate to be with a man so perhaps the ones in relationships feel it’s best to keep single women away.

First of all, if you find the need to keep single women or any other women away from your man, clearly you have issues in your relationship. You obviously don’t trust your man. A man who is very happy in his relationship with his woman will never go seeking another. He is only going to do that because you probably piss him off no end and bore the eyeballs off him that he will go look for company in a woman who doesn’t just talk about the price of vegetables, the inane talk at the kitty party, talking about clothes, what you bought and for how much and generally bitching about anyone and everyone.

So people who I thought were friends stopped keeping in touch or inviting me over. I’d get the odd invitation but I’d politely decline because I’d feel awkward with their piteous stares and whispers behind my back directed at me.  The gossips also made life difficult for me. My very close friend and I were angry and very hurt at baseless accusations from someone who hadn’t the guts to level them at my face. She actually called my friend’s husband to her house and accused him of having an affair with me. I wanted to take legal action at such slander but I was told by my friends, who I think the world of, to let it be. I’m close to them because in my time of need, both of them stood by me and did things for me and my children that even my family wouldn’t have been able to match up to.

When this small-minded person suddenly started raking up dirt I was told by many people to let it be. I was really furious at the petty thought process of someone who tries to come across as tolerant of the ways of the world. People who speak ill of others have the most to hide and be ashamed of in their own lives, and with that I forgave the bitch, especially after I found out some things that had me laughing out loud. Karma truly is awesome!

So here’s the deal. If you have a friend, especially female, who is recently separated from her partner, please don’t treat her like trash. In her moments of lonely singlehood, where she is probably trying to deal with the pain of ending a relationship, try and be nice to her. And if you feel awkward and can’t be nice or have nothing to say, then make sure you don’t spew lies and filth about her. You have no idea what went on in the relationship that has ended unless you were this woman’s partner. Stop being ignorant and making life miserable for someone who is already hurting.

Also just because you see me with a man doesn’t mean I’m dating him, screwing him, or in a relationship with him. I have a lot of friends who are male and I’m proud to say they’re awesome guys who don’t judge me and treat me with a lot more respect than many women I know. Their partners have no qualms with them being friends with me, and it’s all good. A man does not have to be called ‘brother’ by me just so you can approve of my friendship with him. I’ve been blessed with a lot of brothers, thank you very much, and my friends will always have a special place in my life. Basically if you’re thinking filth about my relationship with my male friends, then the filth is definitely in your dirty head.

Rant over for this week. Have a fab one. I’m meeting my mates for a game of pool. They’re all male…

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3 thoughts on “I’m Single And I’m a Threat”

  1. Sounds like there’s a lot of hurt, and a lot of vitriol. You feel a lot of pain, and understandably it is coming out. It doesn’t mean that every woman is now a “bitch”. Break-ups are all too common, we all know people (male and female) recently singled. There are a lot of people who simply don’t know how to deal with situations when couples who were friends break up. And all too often that ends up with a strategy to avoid the situation and avoid either one or both of the couple. It’s not great, but it is to some extent understandable. These people aren’t your closest friends (the ones who have stuck with you through thick or thin). They had a nice time with you as a couple and now maybe they’re worried that rather than add fun to their night you will bring it down with tales of woe. So they’re good-time friends. Forget them for now – keep courteous, they’ll come back and you’ll know what to expect. Ignore the bitchiness – you know you’re above that. And don’t tar every woman with the same brush.

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    1. I didn’t say or insinuate every woman is now a bitch. In the entire write up, my reference to a bitch was only one in particular who had the audacity to splash lies and hurt a lot of people in the process. It’s been quite a few years since the invites stopped so that doesn’t bother me. I’ve learnt to take it in stride. What I can”t understand is why women get threatened if their partner, who is a bloke, is my friend. And also why other people need to poke their pesky noses in my business.
      Judging from the responses I have received on this write up (via email, other social forums & text) I have hit some raw nerves and I have also brought out what many felt needed to be said out aloud.
      Since this is Kamal’s Korner, it is also Kamal’s opinion and experiences.
      Yes the pain is there but it’s now just dull and hopefully the scars will heal. I have learnt to let go of those who were there for just the good times. No hard feelings. They taught me the best lessons in life.
      And I have tarred no one with the same brush. Perhaps you were not able to get the gist of what I was trying to get across. That would be me lacking as an expressive writer. I do tend to get overly-emotional at best of times.
      Sometimes it gets really hard to ignore the bitchiness. I suppose I haven’t attained that level of spirituality to exercise what is probably a basic right.
      Thank you ever so much for your valuable input and for replying on the Korner. I really do appreciate it.
      ~Kamal

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  2. Take heart gal. Unfortunately, most people are unable to wrap their minds around the idea that it is possible for a woman to be single/divorced and still be a complete, happy person (who doesn’t steal hubbies, boyfriends, chase after guys or male bash).

    I’m single by choice and have found myself enjoying my own company and the company of a few good friends so much that I made a decision; that I will only get into another relationship only if I feel if the experience of being with that person is worth taking a chance on…unfortunately, most people do not understand that and some even make some not-so nice comments….

    So I simply shrug and chalk it up to lack of imagination 🙂

    Stay beautiful !

    PS: Speaking of kicking back with the boys; ever notice how oh-so fun it is when guys are just your pals and jumping your bones is not on their must-do list? Their company becomes so addictive doesn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

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