This is another attempt at fiction. It’s a short story and I do hope you like it. I’d really love to know what you think please, so do take some time out and let me know. I will really appreciate it.
~ Kamal Kaur
Raindrops on the pane…
With her left cheek pressed against the windowpane, her right hand rested on the window as the rain splattered. What a thunderstorm it was. It had suddenly started raining heavily and there was a lot of thunder and lightning giving her company as she watched the downpour from her warm room. As the drops trickled down the pane she allowed her forefinger to slowly trace the route of the drops. Her warm breath against the pane steamed up and she got momentarily distracted as she started writing Pete’s name in the clouds she was creating on the window.
Pete – just thinking about him made her sigh out aloud, creating yet another cloud on the window. She quickly ran two fingers across it in an erasing motion, mentally trying to erase his picture from her mind but it was too late. Everything she did ended up revolving around him. He was constantly in her thoughts and there was nothing she could do to keep him out. Even her dreams were not spared. Is this love or am I just obsessed with him, she’d often wonder.
She looked at her watch and again Pete came tumbling back to her thoughts. He had gifted her that watch and it had held a great sentimental value to him. She had been humbled at how he had parted with something so precious to him so easily. Eventually she did realize that materialism held no value in his eyes. It is here today and it could be gone tomorrow. Pete always believed in the present moment, living life to the fullest and only looking back in the past to the happiness and positivity. There was a lot one could learn from Pete by just being with him; he exuded a lot of positive vibes and always had an encouraging word for everyone.
The watch seemed to have stopped. Either that or she was looking at her watch a bit too often. Why wasn’t time moving forward? Why did everything have to come to a standstill? Why did she have to wait for so long? Yet another sigh escaped her, and this time an impatient one, clouding the windowpane again.
She stared hard at the watch urging its hands to move along faster, to come to the time she wanted it to be and then to suddenly stop right there, when the moment was perfect. Time should stand still, she thought, when I want it to. She didn’t sigh this time. She was getting bored of breathing onto the windowpane and got distracted with a sudden noise in the driveway.
She smiled to herself, ran to the mirror to check if she looked ok and went hurtling down the stairs trying to catch her unusually uneven breath and stood at the front door waiting to open the door and fling herself into his arms.
Pete was home.
3 thoughts on “Raindrops on the pane…”
Pete was home? Is that it? K, darling…I’m going to be very frank. It was too short! You had us hooked so it was a good first page but the fact that the story didn’t go on was very disappointing.
But Deepa…! That’s the whole idea of a short story. I’m still testing the waters on fiction but the comments I have received so far on all 3 pieces is that the story is too short and the reader wants more. I’m flattered at that BUT it also means I should add more ‘meat’ to the story. Still feeling my way around this. I hope to get there soon!
Thank you so much, and always, for giving such candid feedback. I really appreciate it.
Just loved the writing Kamal. It’s very gripping. Loved the part about wishing the time to stand still when you want it to.