Togs as bright as my healthy future should be! 

I’m down a kilo this week. I know I have a lot more to go and I’ll probably wane at some point or feel demotivated but if the mindset is focused then nothing can stop you right? As it is, I ought to have a vested interest in me and my health more than anything else. No one’s going to come do it for me and no will care for me either if I fall ill because of being overweight. 

I’ve been body shamed enough times and have tried to pay no heed. I’ve received backhanded compliments like ‘You’d look so much nicer if you were thin’ and that was enough to make me stubborn and not do anything about it. Who is anyone to decide what I should look like? 

What brought the don’t care attitude to an end is that I’m depressed about the way I look. I’m not happy to keep buying plus sized clothes. The attitude has always been that as long as I can get clothes in my size I don’t need to worry. Very foolish! 

I cleared a lot of my old things out today and have thrown away the big clothes for ‘fat days’. I won’t turn to them if I don’t have them, right? 

I’ve set a series of small goals for myself. Today I have told myself no sugar for 10 days. No long term goals, no ridiculous feats, nothing. Just cut out sugar for ten days then I take it forward from there. 

I’m putting this out so that I’m held accountable. I hate failing and this time, despite starting off many times, I want to be healthy. I don’t care about skinny. I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be healthy and not have people call me names behind my back (and on my face). 

I have a series of health ailments that have really slowed my progress but my problem is that I use these ailments as a crutch and also excuse myself from not working hard enough. Stupid is as stupid does. I’m only lying to myself that I can’t get to where I want to be because of my ailments. 

Enough with the excuses, enough with the self-loathing, enough with being angry with myself and others. 

This is my life. Only I can fix myself.