I reckon we’ve all had our fair share of people doing us wrong and making our distrust grow three-fold or even more. It could be a business deal, a friendship from school days, a working relationship with colleagues, family members doing the dirty on you – the list is endless.
Not wanting to sound overly cynical or negative but I know for a fact that it’s people who are closest to you who stab you real hard in the back. You can go on doing things for them selflessly and work hard to have them reduce your credibility to ashes. So let’s deal with the work-place for now.
So if you have heard that a colleague is talking about you behind your back then chances are that you have probably heard from someone else. Try not to lose your cool on this and don’t get mad. What you have to do is verify the story through other people. Avoid private conversations when doing these verifications – they just backfire most of the time. You could be a victim of false information and might end up being called the backstabber instead so watch where you tread.
I learnt the hard way that it’s best not to talk about your personal life at work. This gets used against you at some point or another. Avoid talking personal stuff at work and you ought to be ok. Chin-wag at your own risk because someone or the other is bound to pick up on this and accept it as an offering on a silver platter and then you have HAD IT!
Don’t cut yourself off completely from the grapevine – in fact try and become a grape if you can. If the blasted backstabber is aware you have your ears and eyes open the silly bitch or bastard will think twice before stabbing you. Gossip is ok to receive but not spread. Whenever and wherever possible within the work place just try and surround yourself with the people you most trust.
Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, says: “The rule of thumb used in communication research is that 90 percent or more of an emotional message is non-verbal.” Meaning, if you pay attention to someone’s body language, you’ll be able to perceive a lot more info about them. So here are some tips from body-language experts that offer clues if someone might be fibbing:
- They scratch their nose when talking.
- They look upward and rightward while talking.
- They can’t look you straight in the eye.
- They fidget a lot while talking.
- They are vague and lack details in their story. (Press for details, watch a liar squirm!)
- They hesitate before answering any of your questions, instead of just plain ol’ knowing the answer.
- They are constantly telling you “I’m going to tell you the truth here … Or asking, “Can I be honest with you?”
- They change breathing habits. When nervous, a person might breathe harder, clear their throat, or sigh loudly.
- They have their fingers crossed behind their back. (This last one is just a little joke to lighten up your Monday!)
With relatives it can get a bit difficult because it just turns into a bitch-fest with confrontations. Best thing to do is strike this lot off your Christmas/Diwali/Eid card list and try and move on without them ruling your life like some underworld Don or something. Easier said than done but you really must be strong for your own sanity. You’ll go nuts with such people invading every aspect of your life so best is to just switch off.
Best friends don’t remain best friends forever. The sooner you realise that the better for you. I’m not saying you should not have a close friendship with anyone but don’t have a high expectancy from this friendship either that absolutely NOTHING can go wrong. Cynical I may be because I know something or the other is bound to get messed up at some point or another.
In summary: You can trust some of the people some of the time—so make sure you know what time it is!